Super Snarky Superbowl Live Blog (Refresh the page!)

For those who missed my live blog on Twitter, here are all my Superbowl-related tweets!

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I linked to each one that isn’t obsolete, in case you want to link to any, or RT any of them. (All RTs are very appreciated!)

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NOTE: These are in order from oldest to newest.

I wonder if Go Daddy will use feminine sex appeal in their ad this year.

 

I really hope there are some beverage commercials during the Super Bowl.

 

I know it’s funny to joke that you don’t get sports, but I literally don’t even know the rules of football. Or baseball. Or basketball.

 

It’s a good thing Michael Vick wasn’t involved with the Puppy Bowl.

 

My basic understanding of most sports: Grossly overpaid men play with balls for a living, and are forgiven when they have sex scandals.

 

Fun fact: at Halftime during the Superbowl, more toilets are simultaneously flushed than any other moment of the year.

 

Showing Bono’s gaping mouth hole directly after a picture of 9/11 firefighters? True patriotism.

 

RT: @n_i_roc Which explains Bens “relationship endeavors”… RT @Debyshu Green Bay Players are much cuter than the Steelers…..

 

RT: @bazecraze: Let’s not forget the real stars today. The Asian kids who did all these guys’ homework in college.

 

Superbowl ads- glass panels broken: 2. People injured: 6. This is how you know it’s for men. These ads are like a Michael Bay flick.

 

Sigh. When I said I wanted to see Cameron Diaz get violently hit with a rod, that’s not what I meant.

 

Just another case of black people killing an innocent white girl, amirite? #pepsi

 

To anyone who DVR’d the Super Bowl: congratulations. You are a total douchebag.

 

My dad just informed we have more food for- get this- the “second half.” The what?! Get on with the commercials and the GLEE. What the hell?

 

Lessons learned from Superbowl ads: puppies are cute, women are hot but hate beer, it’s funny when people get hurt.

All of them. Leg-humping, mostly. RT @robhuebel How many players in the Puppy Bowl have been accused of sexual assault?http://twitter.com/#!/malkatz/status/34409027932786688 

 

RT: @officialkat I really hope nobody watching the Superbowl is allergic to yellow pants #certaindeath

 

Super 8 sounds like a shitty motel. #superbowlads

 

Why are there never any Jews playing at the Super Bowl? Isn’t affirmative action supposed to kick in about now?

 

Fergie’s mic was off? She’s the only BEP people care about. That’s like getting a Playboy with all the nude pictures ripped out.

 

On a scale from Sheryl Crow to Slash, Fergie’s “Sweet Child Of Mine” ranks in the middle.

 

Bieber just won major points with me for admitting he looks like a girl on national television.

 

RT: @jasonmustian Thank you Coke, for a commercial reinforcing the notion that people on the other side of a border want to take your shit. #SuperBowl

 

Groupon has a point. If a culture is suffering, you really should buy their food while you still can and the demand isn’t too high.

 

So, I guess what Eminem is trying to say with his two Superbowl commercials is that Chrysler loves Brisk tea. And he loves money.

 

The intentional irony of Eminem in a commercial saying he doesn’t do commercials is lost on him doing a second, unrelated commercial.

 

RT: @AlecMapa The post Superbowl Glee episode is a Gay Silkwood shower that will leave you testosterone free.

 

RT: @n_i_roc If I squint really hard, this game looks like bumble bees prancing in vomit…. just me? Whatever. I’m ready for Glee, damnit.

 

People always say how overpaid the athletes are, but you know who’s UNDERpaid? The ref. He has to watch the entire game and CAN’T SIT.

 

I think Green Day should put out a CD with a football-themed cover and video for the single. It should be called GREEN DAY PACKERS.

Aaaaand we’re done. Thank fucking God. If I wanted to watch overpaid muscle men handle balls, I’d watch porn.