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Aunt Flo

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This is a poem/song I thought up when I wondered if anyone could write a female equivalent to Bowling for Soup’s ‘My Wena.’ It’s a lot catchier when sung, but I’ll spare you my voice. It literally took me ten minutes to write, and I don’t really like it, but I thought the premise was cute. See how many double entendres you can count!

I have an Aunt I wish I didn’t know

I hate this aunt,

Her name is Aunt Flo.

Once a month, she shows up at my place.

For a week or so, she won’t get out of my face.

And a week before she comes, I get in a bad mood

because that means I need to buy chocolate and salty food.

When she’s around, I never can win

I can’t have sex that week because no one wants to come in.

She makes herself at home in my special room downstairs

I told her I don’t want her there, but I don’t think she cares.

I’m always in the bathroom, I say I have to pee

but I just like to sit there so that I can feel free.

She is such a bloody bitch, this really isn’t fair.

And when she’s really bitchy, she goes through my underwear.

She controls my attitude and the way I dress

and when I let her run free, she always makes a big mess.

When she visits me, I go out of my mind

and I know she’ll be visiting until I’m fifty five.

She never showed up when I was a kid,

Am I being punished for something I did?

I want her out of my life… period.

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About malkatz

I'm an aspiring comedy writer living in New Jersey. Please hire me.

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