This is a poem/song I thought up when I wondered if anyone could write a female equivalent to Bowling for Soup’s ‘My Wena.’ It’s a lot catchier when sung, but I’ll spare you my voice. It literally took me ten minutes to write, and I don’t really like it, but I thought the premise was cute. See how many double entendres you can count!
I have an Aunt I wish I didn’t know
I hate this aunt,
Her name is Aunt Flo.
Once a month, she shows up at my place.
For a week or so, she won’t get out of my face.
And a week before she comes, I get in a bad mood
because that means I need to buy chocolate and salty food.
When she’s around, I never can win
I can’t have sex that week because no one wants to come in.
She makes herself at home in my special room downstairs
I told her I don’t want her there, but I don’t think she cares.
I’m always in the bathroom, I say I have to pee
but I just like to sit there so that I can feel free.
She is such a bloody bitch, this really isn’t fair.
And when she’s really bitchy, she goes through my underwear.
She controls my attitude and the way I dress
and when I let her run free, she always makes a big mess.
When she visits me, I go out of my mind
and I know she’ll be visiting until I’m fifty five.
She never showed up when I was a kid,
Am I being punished for something I did?
I want her out of my life… period.