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Category Archives: Morning (Holly)wood

Spoiler-free Haiku Review of Super 8

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Quirky kids are cute/

The ’70s were so mint/

Cloverfield again?

What it is/What I saw: In Which I Invent a Teen Drama

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WHAT IT IS: An ad for Vera Wang’s new scent, Preppy Princess.

WHAT I SAW: A promo for a new teen drama.

Check it out.

And yes, the second I saw this in my Seventeen magazine, I had a title and a backstory for each of the characters.

The show? Private School Confessions. 

And here are the cast of characters. (Open this link or the picture below in a new tab or window to avoid having to scroll up/down to read.)

ROW ONE, L-R.

Travis- In middle school, he was an aspiring artist. However, a summer spent in Australia gave him a love of surfing and volleyball. Now he is a star soccer player, much to the disdain of his mother, a former sculptor and retired art professor. He is the former step brother of Viv, and was best friends with Kaylie during their childhoods. Slowly but surely, he is coming into his bisexuality, and is terrified by his ever-increasing feelings for Blake.

Kaylie-  Pageant queen and two-time Student Council President, Kaylie is as beautiful and popular as she is naive. She is yet to realize that her mysterious but loving father is a mobster… or that his right-hand man lusts after her. Only a sophomore, she has an on and off (but mostly on) one-sided flirtation with Kevin, her lab partner in Advanced Chemistry who believes she is too young.

Kevin- A sweet, well-mannered, relatively clean cut boy, Kevin’s turmoil has nothing to do with himself. His mother, Gabrielle, is a severe and unmedicated schizophrenic. Additionally, she is now struggling with trauma from a car accident, in which she drunkenly killed a toddler, and a case of Empty Nest Syndrome. Kevin’s father, billionaire James George Duncan IV, has recently come out of the woodwork after over a decade of silence. He has been writing Kevin (real name: James Kevin Duncan V) letters at school, desperate to reunite with him. Little does Kevin know his father’s intentions are more sinister than expected.  On top of everything else, his younger sister, Sophie (unpictured,) just started her first semester attending Goldwell High, and is quickly finding her way into the wrong crowd.

Jess- The daughter of a pilot and a supermodel, Jess has her parents convinced their only daughter is a cultured, religious young woman with ambition- rather than the school slut who has been known to trade favors for European diet pills. Outgoing and bubbly, Jess is friends with anyone she deems worthy. She is self-deprecating and openly laughs about her copious sexual conquests. But will a pregnancy scare, and the true affections of Joshua, a geeky younger student, change her ways?

ROW 2, L-R.

Viv- The former stepsister of Travis, his love for art rubbed off on her. She is often seen posing nude for erotic self-portraits and full-frontal photospreads, or photographing for her Tumblr. However, she finds most of her inspiration in Blake, her muse-turned-lover-turned partner in crime.

Blake– The chip on Blake’s shoulder is that his upper middle class family could not afford to put him through Goldwell High if it weren’t for his soccer scholarship. He made a name for himself despite his insecurity by becoming a soccer celebrity and drug dealer. Although sometimes assisted by Viv, he dislikes anybody trying to find their way into his drug business, and uses men and women alike for sexual gratification, including his teammate and sometimes customer Travis, for whom he secretly has a soft spot.

Ladies and gentleman, Private School Confessions:

Awful Movie Recrap: Assassination of a High School President

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If you follow me on Twitter, you know I love to rent movies On Demand that sound awful. Today, I rented what was titled ‘Sophomore,’ on the menu, but, according to the credits, is called Assassination of a High School President. I knew I was in for something, since changing movie titles are almost always a sign of […]

Part 2: Four Crazy Fan Theories (That I Just Made Up)

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Ever read the “Cameron is Crazy” theory devised by fans of Ferris Bueller?

If not, do so immediately. (TL;DR? This theory says that Ferris is a figment of Cameron’s imagination- one that he invented to use as an excuse to rebel, a foil of his personalty, an embodiment of his fantasies, and, finally, a lesson about being a pushover.)

In this vein, I decided to have my own fun and make up some fan theories myself. Read on…

DISCLAIMER FOR THE EASILY BUTTHURT: I am not presenting these as legitimate.

DISCLAIMER FOR THE EASILY CONVINCED: You may not be able to look at these works the same way again.

Read the rest of this entry

Part 1: Four Crazy Fan Theories (That I Just Made Up)

Posted on

Ever read the “Cameron is Crazy” theory devised by fans of Ferris Bueller?

 If not, do so immediately. (TL;DR? This theory says that Ferris is a figment of Cameron’s imagination- one that he invented  to use as an excuse to rebel, a foil of his personalty, an embodiment of his fantasies, and, finally, a lesson about being a pushover.)

In this vein, I decided to have my own fun and make up some fan theories myself. Read on…

DISCLAIMER FOR THE EASILY BUTTHURT: I am not presenting these as legitimate.

DISCLAIMER FOR THE EASILY CONVINCED: You may not be able to look at these works the same way again.

Read the rest of this entry

Haiku Reviews: Sex and the City 2

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This is a new feature I’m doing… and, yes, I really did just watch this movie for the first time.

 

 

Sex and the City/

Without sex- or the city/

Who approved this shit?!

Things Stuck in My Brain Lately… Pt. 2

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I wanted to make a shirt, here is the basic concept (it’s just a rough.)

 

Thoughts? Would you want me to make the concept into a shirt? How would you want me to polish it (fake Powerpoint in the background, certain type of font?)