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Tag Archives: porn parodies

Tweet Highlights- I’m Funny, Right?

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Not one of my Twitter followers? Follow me!

Here are my best tweets from 9/30-10/17.

I included links to each tweet (all of them open in a new window) in case you want to share, favorite, or RT.

These are in semi-reverse chronological order, not ranking order, so your favorite may be in the middle or end.

“I want to make a line of nail files for toenails and call them Pedifiles.” (link)

“I want to write a sequel to PS: I Love You called PSS: Not Really, where it turns out he wasn’t dying, he just left her for his secret wife.” (link)

“I just saw George Washington Carver on a list of historical gay figures. He was gay?! News to me. Then again… he did love nuts.” (link)

“Dear lady in front of me in Starbucks, thigh high boots are not for the 55 and over crowd. Unless you’re famous… and this is Jersey.” (link)

“I would really like to see The Bicurious Case of Benjamin Button. Also, does it pay to make up titles for porn? I think that’s my calling.” (link)

“Just wanted to say I’m really glad none of you are on fire.” (link)

“I hate it when I’m having sex with a guy and he tells me I remind him of his mother.” (link)

“You shouldn’t really hold me accountable for anything I say. Unless you found it funny.” (link)

“Ringo must have gotten all the reject groupies.” (link)

“Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t live on Wisteria Lane.” (link)

“One of the greatest images of all time. Just… look: http://images.regretsy.com/hanger.jpg(link)

“I feel for my laptop the way I imagine my mom feels about me- I love it, but I really wish I could trade it in for a better one.” (link)

“I plan on saving a bunch of money by marrying a gynecologist.” (link)

“If I ever make a brand of deodorant, I’m gonna call it B.O.dorant.” (link)

“You know what sucks? Having an orgy with an odd number of people.” (link)

“Thursday is a total cock tease.” (link)

“This woman is possibly the classiest model alive: http://www.wickedtemptations.com/glitter-cowl-dress-136282-prd1.htm(link)

“Are you smiling? If so, read this: Justin Bieber makes $300,000 a night.” (link)

“Alcoholism ruins families, but sobriety ruins family events.” (link)

“What life after Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell will look like: http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/captainfabp1.jpg(link)

“If you need to see something adorable: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnSiaKD2Aj0&feature=player_embedded(link)

“Thanks to DVR, I now have brand new ways of hoarding. ‘I don’t care if that recording is two months old, I might want to watch it someday!’ ” (link)

“I want to open a gay club with a built-in sandwich place. I’ll call it SubGay- and we, too, will have five dollar footlongs.” (link)
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The Porn Spoof Title Game

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Anyone who knows me is aware that I have no marketable skills.

Anyone who really knows me is aware that I do, however, have extremely strange skills, at which I am extremely gifted for no apparent reason.

One of these skills is the remarkable ability to turn anything into a porn title.

This is why I sometimes call upon my Twitter followers and Facebook friends to give me a movie title to turn into a porn spoof. Observe:

(Click the thumbnail for the full-sized version.)

Now it’s your turn. Comment with any movie title- on Wednesday, I will turn all or most into them into porn. Aaaand… go!

Tweets of the Week…ish

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Have a Twitter account? Follow me on Twitter! (@malkatz)

Last week’s top tweets. Sorry about the delay… EDIT: Turns out my last TWOT (go ahead, laugh at that acronym) post was the 22nd, which means I should have posted a new one on the 29th, which means this one is ten days late. I will include tweets from August 23rd up to September 5th, and include the 6th and 7th in my next post.

I linked to every tweet in case you want to RT it- which I always appreciate!

(All links open in separate windows.)

“Voldemort. There, I said it.”  (link)

“I just remembered, when I met Paris Hilton, she was chewing gum. I’m shocked… Does that mean she thought it was cocaine?” (link)

“I swear to God a guy just messaged me with the following pick-up line: ‘hey girl. did u just fart cuz ur pic blew me away’ ” (link)

“Would you guys be any more interested in my tweets if I told you I wrote them while wearing a schoolgirl uniform?” (link)

“Rom coms need to stop casting pretty girls as suffering average chicks. Kate Hudson isn’t exactly the poster child of sympathy.” (link)

“Without all the supernatural junk, Twilight is really just a story about a young girl who meets an older man and gets knocked up. Charming.” (link)

“Oatmeal is like an erection… the longer you ignore it, the harder it gets.” (link)

 “At what age does the word ‘daddy’ go from sweet to pornographic?” (link)

“I honestly just thought a commercial opened with ‘it’s clitoris time!’ (It said ‘clearance,’ I had to rewind it.)” (link)

“I could never take Hurricane Earl seriously. I can’t help but picture it with a moustache and a karma list, flanked by @EthanSuplee.” (link)

“Any Given Cumday #pornparodytitles RT: @[requester removed] Any Given Sunday” (link)

“TransPerformers: Revenge of the Bald End #pornparodytitles RT: @[requester removed] Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” (link)

“I read that as “public shitting,” and now your complaint seems less valid. RT: @[name removed] I hate public spitting in the sidewalk.” (link)

“Can you imagine if someone got Mel Gibson and Mel Brooks mixed up?” (link

“I always thought it would be funny if, after all this time, the Trix rabbit turned out to be allergic to Trix.” (link)

“I just saw somebody’s tattoo of Gumby being crucified on a cross while daydreaming about an ice cream cone. That is all.” (link)

“When my Formspring inbox is empty, it makes me worry I am no longer interesting to strange men on the internet.” (link)

“Mel Gibson: proof that there IS such a thing as bad publicty.” (link)

 “I swear I’m a hypochondriac, but people tell me it’s just in my head.” (link)

“Ugly babies: life’s biggest dissapointment.” (link)

 “I’m pretty sure, when I’m a senior citizen, I’m going to look back and say, ‘I wish I was sluttier.’ ” (link)

“If I ever make a deodorant, I’m going to call it Pit Stop.” (link)

“Whenever a stranger tweets me to tell me my joke was offensive, it makes me really happy, because that means strangers read my jokes.” (link)

“Austism, shautism… Can we address the total lesbian vibe coming off Temple Grandin? Now THAT’S a TV movie.” (link)

“Edie Falco: ‘At 94, my grandma decided to start a new chapter in life.’ Yeah… It’s called the epilogue.” (link)

“Hearing we have Doritos, then finding out they are Nacho Cheese is like hearing a Kardashian wants to fuck you, then finding out it’s Khloe.”  (post)

“I feel like a Twitter whore… not because I tweet a lot, but because I want to have sex with most of you.” (link)

“The best thing about being out with your dad on a Saturday night is that it is in no way pathetic.” (link)

“Why am I so obsessed with my boobs? I just love them so much. I may have feelings for them.” (link)

 ” ‘Are THESE the droids you’re looking for?’ -if there were magicians in Star Wars.” (link)